I Love Typos!!!!

So, it's that time of the year to bake.  I love to bake, but once in a while I have to switch it up to even just recheck the ingredients.  So, as I was about to check for recipe versions for pumpkin bread on BettyCrocker.com, I found this:  

What in the heck is "banking" powder and soda? LOL

It happens on more than just websites:

This is one of my biggest pet peeves! "Hey, buddy!  YOU'RE doing it wrong!

That's all I got for now folks!  I hope every single one of you have a wonderful Christmas and enjoy this special time of the year!  Happy holidays!

Michael Jackson - Thriller

This is a classic!!!!  I just thought I would share...Happy Halloween Everyone!

OMG STFU

First let me just say, I love ALL of my kids...even the ones that act like assholes.  Yep, you read that right!  

You were thinking it, I just said it.  Hell I was thinking it too!  It's true, especially the older ones.  Oh the joys of parenthood!  It is such an extreme, ranging from being so proud one moment to wanting to gnaw your own arm off to get away to next.  Don't get me wrong, I love my kids more than life itself, but some days are really a true test of strength, sanity and your ability to cope with pure ciaos. 

The good thing is that right now, only 2 of the 4 kids are pains.  I have questioned and judged my own parenting abilities after dealing with them, and I have come to this conclusion...they are just being assholes.  Cruel you say?  How could a parent say that about their own child you say?  Well, live with them, deal with their antics and then you tell me.  Trust me, calling them assholes is actually a nicer alternative.  

Its really not as bad as it sounds.  An asshole is simply someone who disrupts the generally tranquil nature of a certain situation or place.  They can also be a rude, selfish and/or offensive person.  So see, I have just described the majority of the world.  We can all be assholes from time to time, but 2 of these kids are pushing their limits!  Much like a lot of kids do.  But what is a parent who has tried everything to do?  You buckle up and hold on...it's gonna be a bumpy ride.

For the most part they are not doing anything that the majority of others kids don't do or things we haven't done ourselves at those ages.  It is just amplified and extreme at times. At some point you just hope there is a cut off point where it all stops.  You pray for it, you live for it!  You want to protect them from doing wrong, you want them to grow up happy healthy and hopefully fully intact...you can only do so much.

I pray that all of my kids grow up to be spectacular adults who strive to improve their very existence at every given moment.  But hell, let's get realistic.  I want them to finish college, get a job that pays better than average and remember to call their mother once in a while!  I want them happy, healthy and full of the knowledge that no matter how much of an asshole they were in their teen/young adult years that they are still loved and cared for, barely, but they are.  Is that too much to ask for?

So, before you plan your revenge and before you sever all ties to them, just remember...being an asshole is NOT always a permanent thing.  They are capable of  change, not all of them, but most.  There will be a few of you that are unlucky, God bless you, you are in my prayers.  For those who have the ones that turn around and become productive and semi proper members of society, count your blessings.  And secretly hope that their kids give them a dose of what you dealt with!  

I am holding out for the turn around and hoping the other two never start...until next time, peace, love and sanity.

What Is Normal?

Normal by definition: 1. conforming to a type, standard or regular pattern. 2. According with, constituting, or not deviating from a norm, rule or principle. 3. Free from a mental disorder.  




Oh hell, I guess I am not "normal", by definition at least!  Especially when you compare me to the other moms and women my age around here.  We recently moved to a new area.  Its not far from our previous home, but it is an up and coming area that was really booming until the economy tanked.  A lot of "money" moved out this way and beige-topia was built to appease the masses.  

To be honest, we were not attracted by the social class of most of the residents, we are middle class and do just fine.  It was the schools we were after.  Our older kids have graduated and are in college. We only have one left in school.  And not to brag, but he is wise beyond his years...when he can be calm and think, lol.  We wanted him in a school that would challenge him.  So, here we are.  The heart of beige-topia and not the exact social norm.

I didn't think much about it until we went to back to school night at my son's school.  I have never seen so much plastic and I am not talking about school supplies and gym equipment.  Most of them had overly sized and overly perfect boobs, nonexistent waists and no asses.  There was a lot of faking baked tans and TONS of blonde hair dye!  And this is just the school staff!  HA!  Gotcha, lol...but seriously that does describe a LOT of the moms.  I felt a little different.  I am not a cow, but I am not a stick either, I do eat.  I had just come from work so I was still in scrubs.  Most of these women were in designer clothes, dressed to impress and flashy, showing it off.  Really ladies?  It's just a school, not a fashion run way...

The teeth bleaching is a serious habit there, so the schools could save money on lighting just by inviting the moms to the school more often.  Now I am not bashing on the "pretty people" because first of all they would have to be pretty, lol.  I am bashing on the fake people.  I would have plastic surgery in a heartbeat!  Who wouldn't love to have a tummy tuck after carrying 3 kids.  I would love for my boobs to be back in their original location. But to be honest, if it ever happens, yeah for me.  If not, I am fine with it.  Plus, my husband doesn't seemed grossed out by me, so it's all good!

I am just there for my child to have a top notch education and really have a great chance to excel in life.  If I have to be looked down on by some of these people, I can live with that.  For the most part nobody said much or looked at as funny.  But there were the few parents that pulled their kids a little closer after passing us in the hall, lol.  Maybe I should describe us a little better. My husband is over 6 feet tall, bald with a goatee.  I have brown hair down to my waist when it is not pulled up in a bun or ponytail.  We are jeans and t shirt kinda people.  If I could get away with it, I would wear flannel pajama pants everywhere.  Don't worry, I rarely wear them in public, lol. 




 We have a nice house, we have nice cars...it's not like we are parking them in the yard up on blocks, lol.  We don't have a couch on the front porch and no boards across the windows.  I would however dig a moat around my house to keep the annoying kids of the neighborhood from knocking on my door all the time.  


Occasionally we almost run over the neighborhood kids.  And it's not on purpose, really.  They seem to think it is OK to run through other's people yards which includes driveways. And when you have 4 vehicles in your driveway, you can't always see a kid running as fast as all get out.  My braking skills have improved, lucky for them.  When this happens, we sometimes get looks from the parents that might be outside.  Kind of like a "how dare you about back over my child who ran from in between 2 parked cars out of your eyesight and on your own property" sort of thing.  You know how it goes.  Totally our fault!  But yet I remain consistent with the fact that we are normal...

Some of these kids do not realize that they do not own everything around them.  They assume it is OK ride their backs through our yard, (new fence coming soon!), run over the sump pump drainage spouts, drop their bikes in our yard, leave their toys in our yard for us to find when we mow, to hang out 5 feet from someone's sliding glass door and scream at the top of their lungs at their brother, or worse yet when they stare through the door while you eat.  I blame this on their parents.  It's called having no manners and it is obviously not taught at the home.  It also borderlines on stupidity, because I thought it was common sense, however, I could be wrong.  I have to remind myself, money does not buy brains, money does NOT buy brains...*deep breath*

I might have gotten a little side tracked with this blog, after all it usually takes me half the day to write it since I am doing this at work, whenever I can squeeze in a few moments to write a line or 2.  Speaking of working, I am sure a lot of these women I was speaking about are stay at home moms, but not in the true sense.  To me, a stay at home mom is home...with a kid...at the same time.  Am I wrong?  I mean I could be.  I have not experienced this first hand, nor was raised by a stay at home mom.  I come from a working momma, and proud of it! 

I have nothing against stay at home moms, but if you are going to call yourself that, be sure you are home with a kid please!  I mean technically I guess I am a stay at home mom in the evenings, right?  I mean one or more of my kids are always home and so I am.  Its a technicality. 

And just to sum up here with the worst of the worst, it would be the family that does not belong, anywhere, but a remote island.  They have the worst acting kids, they are the parents that yell for everything, ignore if it suits and have been quoted saying this after you tell them of their child's bad behavior, "Don't be afraid to yell at them, it does no good for me to say anything.  They never listen to me.  They get on my nerves.  Get after them if you have to". Whoa, whoa, whoa...hold the door.  WTF did you just say?  Did you just tell, your new neighbor that you don't know, to basically discipline your children?  Are you like, FOR REAL LADY?  

I could think of many ways to discipline your children, but really...it's your job.  I like freedom and do not want to go to jail.  Just teach your kids respect, I don't care of you are rich, poor, middle class or no class.  Don't raise idiots...if we put a stop to it now, we could soon have an idiot free world to enjoy.  

JUST BE NORMAL!!!!!!!  

Ode To Bubble Wrap

In today's day and age when everyone is quick to prescribe a pill, let's think of an age old product that can relieve stress, cheer you up, make you smile and over all send you to a happy place.  That my friends would be called bubble wrap... 

The uses are many and there is fun to be had by all!  Often people don't look past the typical and most common use for this wonderful product.  It is so beyond a package material!  It not only keeps your packages safe from breakage while being mailed.  It can save a LIFE!  You read that right, bubble wrap saves lives!  Trust me on this one!  

Mondays can be stressful enough, add on top of that bitchy co-workers, annoying neighbors, rude clerks, this list goes on and on.  Just turn to the bubble wrap!  Pop a few, pop the whole damn sheet.  Pop until you feel better.  Pretend the bubbles are the heads of those annoying you!  BONUS!  



  

I can honestly say that I have never had to purchase bubble wrap.  And it is kind of exciting to open a package and find some! 
As long as the kids have not seen it, I usually pop a few and then put it away.  Saving the pops for when really needed!  You know that if and when the kids find it, it's all over.  They show no restraint when it comes to the popping.  They will pop your entire sheet in the blink of an eye.  Then what will you do?  


And maybe this is just me, but I get annoyed when someone else is popping bubble wrap.  Especially when it is mine!  The sound is not nearly as pleasing, and quiet frankly it's annoying as hell.  I can handle it for a minute, or for a few good pops.  But then it must stop!  That is MY free therapy they are popping.  I receive no benefits from others popping the bubble wrap.  

Of course it is also just fun to do, there does not always need to be stress.  Although it is a calming distraction, you can make it a functional piece of material.  For example:

Don't have anything to wear out on the town with that special someone?  Do you want a one of a kind original?  Well...Try a bubble wrap dress!  If there is a lull in the conversation, just start popping the dress to pass the time!  Interchange belts to create a whole new look!  

The night out went well and now it's wedding time!  Once again, not to be outdone...a one of a kind wedding dress!  Beautiful and functional!  When you are done, it "packs" well...

A few years after the wedding, you can be that overprotective mom!  Chances of injury are greatly reduced with this ensemble! You can also apply it to their heads and make a helmet of sorts...

And last but not least, if you do choose to dress with bubble wrap then you might want to look into the intergalactic space suits and cover all of your clothing needs...Zoltan approved. 





So, that is it in a nut shell...bubble wrap is fabulous!  And if you doubt me, well then just take his words for it...

And last, but not least: 

Bragging Rights...

I cannot tell you how many times I hear my coworkers bragging about how cute their kids are, what cute little things they say when dancing around or playing on a play date and how well they did in 3 year old soccer, and blah blah blah blah.  Then here I am...OK, it is my turn to brag, so here it goes, "My 7 year old out burped my 19 year old.  It was so loud it shook the living room windows!"  Whew!!!!  Top that one ladies!  Oh wait, I shared a cute story, so why are they all looking at me like that?  


Of course we all come from different backgrounds, and there are a few different "money classes", but when you break it down, we are all on the same level.  We all get along and share stories and laugh together, except when it comes to kids.  It seems to be like a "my kid is better than your kid" type of thing.  And they try to make themselves sound like the perfect parent.  Well here it goes, I will be the first to admit it, "I am NOT a perfect parent!"  That just took a load off of my shoulders!  Perfect by definition: completely free from faults or defects, or as close to such combination as possible.  <----that folks, is not me, and I wouldn't want that!  What fun would that be?


I happen to be a very proud momma, and I love my kids very much.  I brag on them whenever possible.  It just seems that my bragging might be a little too much real world compared to my coworkers.  I am not ashamed, embarrassed or too proud to share some of the silly things or what some of my coworkers seem to think it too taboo to discuss.  For example, has your kid ever cussed, (on accident or purpose, lol)?  Mine have...every single one of them!  


Not that I am proud of it, but you have to laugh sometimes about it.  Here is my favorite...my oldest son was about 3, he had gotten in trouble for something and I told him to stand in the corner.  Very quietly I thought I heard him say something like "damn it"...I asked him what he said, he said "nothing".  Then a few seconds later, I heard it again, only a little bit louder, "damn it". I immediately asked him again, "What did you say?"  He turned and looked at me, with a very puzzled look on his face and said, "Nothing".  I was thinking to myself, how dare you lie like this! He turned his face away and then once again I heard it, I knew it!  I remember saying, "Why did you say that?  That is a bad word!"  He looked up at me, still puzzled and said, "I didn't see you."  Now I was puzzled.  And asked what he meant.  He seemed to think that if he didn't see my face, that I couldn't hear him, lol.  He was mad that he was in time out, hence the "damn it".  Now I know that it is not appropriate for a 3 year old to say that, but DAMN IT, the context was right on the money! lol  Don't worry, I did not condone it, and he was told him that it was not nice to say that.  Afterwards, I went to the bathroom and laughed so hard I cried.


There are inappropriate things everywhere you go, and you cannot shield your child from it all.  I am not overly cautious and so strict that my kids never heard bad words or phrases as young children.  With that said, I was not shouting out cuss words with every sentence I spoke.  But occasionally they would slip and it was not a shock for them to hear it.  It was also a good learning moment, lol..."don't say that just because Mommy did".  And you know what, my kids respect that at home.  


Like I previously stated in my blog, I am not your normal everyday mom...but maybe I should be.  By that, I do not mean I should change one bit, but maybe others could take a lesson from me.  I think that a lot of parents are in some ways like me, they just won't admit it...and the rest of them are not ready for my type of parenting, lol.  

Forget Calgon, Give Me Vodka!

I am going to be a bit bold here and I want you to feel free to comment.  In fact, I beg of you to!  I would love some feed back on this:  


When you have an adult child living in your home, do you set forth rules like you would for the others?  Do you have expectations of behaviors, spending habits, curfews and such?  Maybe I am a bit strict at times and share my thoughts too much with Brat 1, but she really needs the guidance at times!  


She thought that 18 was a magic number and she would be free to do as she pleased!  Well she was in for a rude awakening.  We really didn't have a lot to go of of as a model for this age.  At 18, I had brat 1 and at 18 my husband was on call for his legally blind father.  We asked a few friends and the rest we pulled out of air and came up with this: 


She would continue to have rules under our roof.  She would continue to help out around the house and she would have curfew.  This went OK for a while, then she tried to buck the system...DAILY!  It was a constant struggle for her to stick with our rules.  Her major chore was the dishes as it has been for a years. I think I would have had an easier time pulling my own teeth out with tweezers. And it is not like she flat out refused to do them.  There was just always an excuse, she didn't have time to do them after dinner, or before work, etc.


Curfews were another struggle.  On weeknights, be home by 10, weekends were negotiable, but usually midnight, one...something like that.  Now, the 10 on weeknights was set forth because the rest of us at home had to be up early for work and school.  We didn't want to be woken up by her strolling in at the butt crack of dawn or in the middle of the night.  It started out 5 minutes, then went to 10, and it gradually increased from there.  She was always telling little white lies about where she was and what she was doing.  She is legally an adult, but she still needed to have the courtesy to let us know where she was going.  And I HATE lies...there was no reason for it.  I was ready to pull my hair out!  


My husband and I discussed it all again, revamped the rules and it went something like this...she will have no curfew, BUT she had to let us know her general plans and what time she planned to go home, for example..."I'm going go hang with Kim at the mall while we decide what to do tonight. I will be home by midnight". Easy enough we thought.  Since dishes were such an issue, her big chore was now the upkeep of the living room.  That would include picking up, vacuuming and dusting.  And she was still expected to help out around the house like everyone else does.  That went well, for maybe a week, and it started again.


I mean, at this age what consequences can you give?  She can just say "kiss my ass" and walk out the door.  I don't really think she will ever do that, although she mentioned moving out before.  She owns her own car, she pays us for lovely smart phone.  Its not like she's a kid, so can you really ground them and if so, from what?  I do not want to push my daughter away, but financially she cannot support herself.  She works maybe 10 hours a week.  I have also told her she needs to secure full time employment.  I have her nearly 2 months to do this, she has filled out 2 applications so far.  She has 3 weeks left.  Left for what I ask myself...what am I going to do when she is not working full time?  


I love my kids with all of my heart and I want the best for them, but this is getting ridiculous!  I mean she was a perfectly good kid who couldn't wait to grow up.  Now it is a challenge to get her to grow up!  I am at my whits end!  Kicking her out is not an option, she has no money and no where to go, but at what point does she just get it?  I mean why does she think it is perfectly acceptable to sit on her ass at home all day while we work and then run all night.  What the hell happened to her morals?!  Ughhhhh!   HELP!  I am tired of her excuses, I am tired of her little lies and I am tired of being used.  I would do anything to help my kids, but I can't take this anymore.  I love this child, but she is pushing the tests of our bond...

He's Got Jokes!

Well, some how I managed to delete my post from Friday night...so let me try this again!  


We have scheduled plans that we follow out just about every week.  Thursdays are date night, no kids, just the parents.  And kids are only allowed to call for emergencies, (and they always call at least once, lol...and it is NOT an emergency).  Our night consists of going to dinner, preferably somewhere where you do not order your food through a microphone.  And a place where you are served and do not bus your own table.  After that, being the rebels that we are we head off to the library!  We might even stay there a couple of hours, its quiet there!  We might log on to the computers or go over bills or discuss upcoming things, but it is our time! :)  Sometimes there is even a trip to Walmart or Target!  Hell yeah!


Next is Friday night dinner out with the family.  They think of it as a special treat, but actually it is just a night to not cook and clean, lol.  This Friday night was no exception.  Only two of the kids were home to go with us tonight, brats 2 and 4.  We went to our favorite Mexican restaurant.  It is nice to go to a place, be recognized by the management, greeted and socialized with.  And to top it off, he always brings brat 2 a huge bowl of salsa.  This is first and foremost GREAT customer service and second, it saves his staff the hassle of running to our table to refill brat 2's small dipping bowl every 5 seconds.  He literally inhales it!  He is a tall slender kid, but don't let that fool you!  He CAN eat you out of house and home!  He just applied for a job at this restaurant, lol.  


After dinner we are in car heading home, and brat 2 is sharing a story for his day and almost lets out a cuss word, lol.  Now mind you, he is nearly 18 and we as his parents do not have the cleanest vocabulary ourselves.  But he, like the rest of the kids have that respect and courtesy  towards us.  So, we make a joke about it and are having a little laugh when brat 4 pipes up and says, "I can't wait until I am old enough to cuss.  I have some great jokes to tell you!" WTF????  Hold it kid, what did you just say?  I kept my head forward, bit my tongue to not laugh and reminded him that he didn't need to worry about cussing, lol.  I know, I know, I should not be laughing about this, but I swear you had to be there!  Oh, the comic relief brat 4 brings to our lives...PRICELESS!

                                                

My Crazy Family

                                              






Let's get this blog started!  First a little about my family and I...There are 4 (lovely at times) children who are currently 19, 17, 15 and 7 (Lord help us!). We affectionately call them brat 1, brat 2, brat 3 and brat 4.  And they answer to this!  Brats 1,2  and 4 are biologically mine and brat 3 is biologically my husband's.  He adopted my 3, so he is the father of all 4.  Brat 3 lives between the 2 houses...confused yet?  


The oldest (brat 1) is the only girl and this first to test my patience at the most inopportune times. And yes, I see a lot of me in her.  I have the desire to call my mother often and apologize for any issues I might have caused her.  Then of course I come to my senses!  If the "I hope you have a child who acts even worse than you" curse was placed upon me, it just makes me wonder what terrible things my mother might have done, lol.  I was not a perfect child, but I was not a terrible kid either.  I know I gave my momma a run for the money at times, lol.


Brat 1 has graduated high school, pissed away 2 semesters at a local community college and is struggling to find her place in this world.  She will VERY soon be a 5 YEAR CHILDHOOD CANCER SURVIVOR! :) She is a free spirit and I believe born in the wrong decade.  I could so see her striving in the 60's, lol.  She has a heart of gold and loves to advocate for childhood cancer.  But lately she seems to have an obstructed view on life and how it works. Hopefully she will figure it out soon!  She has worked barely part time since graduation and has seemed to have lost her motivation.  I know she left it around the house somewhere, but damned if we can find it!  The search continues!


Brat 2 is soon approaching his high school graduation, just about 4 months away!  He has several ideas for life after graduation, but has not made up his mind which path he will walk down yet.  He is the kid to usually give us the least amount of grief.  He is a gamer and has recently started to discover there is a life outside of the house and his PS3.  Brat 3 is the silent type until he gets to know you, and he has also been dubbed the class clown.  He is in "training" with dad to get his license, (since kids driving scare the hell out of Mom!).  He is having his best year ever with grades and I could kick him in the rear for not getting these good of grades earlier! But not much I can do about it now, just going to be happy they are good!  


Brat 3 is currently not speaking to us, and I would need an entire blog to tell you the whole story. To sum it up, he views us as strict and it seems his mother lets him do pretty much as he pleases.  So yes, that means we are not that strict, we just don't allow free reign, lol. What would you choose if you could at that age?  He is lacking in the respect department and that does not go over well at our house.  He is a work in progress and hopefully we can get him on the right track in life.  It is tough knowing they are going down hill and you can't do what you want to do to fix it.  It is hard when you and the other parent disagree on what is right and wrong and just how to raise them.  Wish us luck, we want the best for him!


And then there is Brat 4...there are so many ways to describe this child, hmmmm...where to begin?  Well, he is considerably younger then his siblings.  I like to think of him as a sponge.  He is observant, he soaks it all in.  He is not often shy and pretty witty for a 7 year old.  His comic stylings are coming along, but it is often his normal everyday actions/questions/responses that are the most funny.  He very much has a little of each siblings personality in him.  He strives to be like his dad and is not afraid to try new things.  There is not a veggie he won't eat, a spot on him that cannot be tickled, or a joke he won't laugh at.  He likes school and excels with every aspect of it.  He is famous for his "rock on" look (throwing the horns) and at this point in his life plans to be a rock-n-roll drumming store owning doctor police officer.  You gotta love a kid with ambition!


So that is our kids in a nut shell...each of them terrific, each of them a pain in the ass, lol...but they are ours and we love them all.  We may have turned more gray, lost much sleep and stressed on a few pounds here and there over them, but that is life and we are ALL a work in progress.  

                                            

Disclaimer

Disclaimer:  I do not claim to be a perfect parent with perfectly behaved children.  I do not sensor myself well and I do not sugar coat life for my family.  I am a tell-it-like-it is mom...I expect respect from my children and they get that respect in return.  I have been known to nag, pester and drive my children nuts...all in the name of love.  My goal is to do what it takes to get these kids to adulthood alive, educated, without a criminal record if possible and with a good head on their shoulders.  I want them full of great values that will take them far in life and pass those along to their own children.  I will be there friend later, right now I am their parent.

With that said, welcome to my life...