I am going to be a bit bold here and I want you to feel free to comment. In fact, I beg of you to! I would love some feed back on this:
When you have an adult child living in your home, do you set forth rules like you would for the others? Do you have expectations of behaviors, spending habits, curfews and such? Maybe I am a bit strict at times and share my thoughts too much with Brat 1, but she really needs the guidance at times!
She thought that 18 was a magic number and she would be free to do as she pleased! Well she was in for a rude awakening. We really didn't have a lot to go of of as a model for this age. At 18, I had brat 1 and at 18 my husband was on call for his legally blind father. We asked a few friends and the rest we pulled out of air and came up with this:
She would continue to have rules under our roof. She would continue to help out around the house and she would have curfew. This went OK for a while, then she tried to buck the system...DAILY! It was a constant struggle for her to stick with our rules. Her major chore was the dishes as it has been for a years. I think I would have had an easier time pulling my own teeth out with tweezers. And it is not like she flat out refused to do them. There was just always an excuse, she didn't have time to do them after dinner, or before work, etc.
Curfews were another struggle. On weeknights, be home by 10, weekends were negotiable, but usually midnight, one...something like that. Now, the 10 on weeknights was set forth because the rest of us at home had to be up early for work and school. We didn't want to be woken up by her strolling in at the butt crack of dawn or in the middle of the night. It started out 5 minutes, then went to 10, and it gradually increased from there. She was always telling little white lies about where she was and what she was doing. She is legally an adult, but she still needed to have the courtesy to let us know where she was going. And I HATE lies...there was no reason for it. I was ready to pull my hair out!
My husband and I discussed it all again, revamped the rules and it went something like this...she will have no curfew, BUT she had to let us know her general plans and what time she planned to go home, for example..."I'm going go hang with Kim at the mall while we decide what to do tonight. I will be home by midnight". Easy enough we thought. Since dishes were such an issue, her big chore was now the upkeep of the living room. That would include picking up, vacuuming and dusting. And she was still expected to help out around the house like everyone else does. That went well, for maybe a week, and it started again.
I mean, at this age what consequences can you give? She can just say "kiss my ass" and walk out the door. I don't really think she will ever do that, although she mentioned moving out before. She owns her own car, she pays us for lovely smart phone. Its not like she's a kid, so can you really ground them and if so, from what? I do not want to push my daughter away, but financially she cannot support herself. She works maybe 10 hours a week. I have also told her she needs to secure full time employment. I have her nearly 2 months to do this, she has filled out 2 applications so far. She has 3 weeks left. Left for what I ask myself...what am I going to do when she is not working full time?
I love my kids with all of my heart and I want the best for them, but this is getting ridiculous! I mean she was a perfectly good kid who couldn't wait to grow up. Now it is a challenge to get her to grow up! I am at my whits end! Kicking her out is not an option, she has no money and no where to go, but at what point does she just get it? I mean why does she think it is perfectly acceptable to sit on her ass at home all day while we work and then run all night. What the hell happened to her morals?! Ughhhhh! HELP! I am tired of her excuses, I am tired of her little lies and I am tired of being used. I would do anything to help my kids, but I can't take this anymore. I love this child, but she is pushing the tests of our bond...
I should mention here, she is 19...and currently NOT in school.
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