I cannot tell you how many times I hear my coworkers bragging about how cute their kids are, what cute little things they say when dancing around or playing on a play date and how well they did in 3 year old soccer, and blah blah blah blah. Then here I am...OK, it is my turn to brag, so here it goes, "My 7 year old out burped my 19 year old. It was so loud it shook the living room windows!" Whew!!!! Top that one ladies! Oh wait, I shared a cute story, so why are they all looking at me like that?
Of course we all come from different backgrounds, and there are a few different "money classes", but when you break it down, we are all on the same level. We all get along and share stories and laugh together, except when it comes to kids. It seems to be like a "my kid is better than your kid" type of thing. And they try to make themselves sound like the perfect parent. Well here it goes, I will be the first to admit it, "I am NOT a perfect parent!" That just took a load off of my shoulders! Perfect by definition: completely free from faults or defects, or as close to such combination as possible. <----that folks, is not me, and I wouldn't want that! What fun would that be?
I happen to be a very proud momma, and I love my kids very much. I brag on them whenever possible. It just seems that my bragging might be a little too much real world compared to my coworkers. I am not ashamed, embarrassed or too proud to share some of the silly things or what some of my coworkers seem to think it too taboo to discuss. For example, has your kid ever cussed, (on accident or purpose, lol)? Mine have...every single one of them!
Not that I am proud of it, but you have to laugh sometimes about it. Here is my favorite...my oldest son was about 3, he had gotten in trouble for something and I told him to stand in the corner. Very quietly I thought I heard him say something like "damn it"...I asked him what he said, he said "nothing". Then a few seconds later, I heard it again, only a little bit louder, "damn it". I immediately asked him again, "What did you say?" He turned and looked at me, with a very puzzled look on his face and said, "Nothing". I was thinking to myself, how dare you lie like this! He turned his face away and then once again I heard it, I knew it! I remember saying, "Why did you say that? That is a bad word!" He looked up at me, still puzzled and said, "I didn't see you." Now I was puzzled. And asked what he meant. He seemed to think that if he didn't see my face, that I couldn't hear him, lol. He was mad that he was in time out, hence the "damn it". Now I know that it is not appropriate for a 3 year old to say that, but DAMN IT, the context was right on the money! lol Don't worry, I did not condone it, and he was told him that it was not nice to say that. Afterwards, I went to the bathroom and laughed so hard I cried.
There are inappropriate things everywhere you go, and you cannot shield your child from it all. I am not overly cautious and so strict that my kids never heard bad words or phrases as young children. With that said, I was not shouting out cuss words with every sentence I spoke. But occasionally they would slip and it was not a shock for them to hear it. It was also a good learning moment, lol..."don't say that just because Mommy did". And you know what, my kids respect that at home.
Like I previously stated in my blog, I am not your normal everyday mom...but maybe I should be. By that, I do not mean I should change one bit, but maybe others could take a lesson from me. I think that a lot of parents are in some ways like me, they just won't admit it...and the rest of them are not ready for my type of parenting, lol.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Forget Calgon, Give Me Vodka!
I am going to be a bit bold here and I want you to feel free to comment. In fact, I beg of you to! I would love some feed back on this:
When you have an adult child living in your home, do you set forth rules like you would for the others? Do you have expectations of behaviors, spending habits, curfews and such? Maybe I am a bit strict at times and share my thoughts too much with Brat 1, but she really needs the guidance at times!
She thought that 18 was a magic number and she would be free to do as she pleased! Well she was in for a rude awakening. We really didn't have a lot to go of of as a model for this age. At 18, I had brat 1 and at 18 my husband was on call for his legally blind father. We asked a few friends and the rest we pulled out of air and came up with this:
She would continue to have rules under our roof. She would continue to help out around the house and she would have curfew. This went OK for a while, then she tried to buck the system...DAILY! It was a constant struggle for her to stick with our rules. Her major chore was the dishes as it has been for a years. I think I would have had an easier time pulling my own teeth out with tweezers. And it is not like she flat out refused to do them. There was just always an excuse, she didn't have time to do them after dinner, or before work, etc.
Curfews were another struggle. On weeknights, be home by 10, weekends were negotiable, but usually midnight, one...something like that. Now, the 10 on weeknights was set forth because the rest of us at home had to be up early for work and school. We didn't want to be woken up by her strolling in at the butt crack of dawn or in the middle of the night. It started out 5 minutes, then went to 10, and it gradually increased from there. She was always telling little white lies about where she was and what she was doing. She is legally an adult, but she still needed to have the courtesy to let us know where she was going. And I HATE lies...there was no reason for it. I was ready to pull my hair out!
My husband and I discussed it all again, revamped the rules and it went something like this...she will have no curfew, BUT she had to let us know her general plans and what time she planned to go home, for example..."I'm going go hang with Kim at the mall while we decide what to do tonight. I will be home by midnight". Easy enough we thought. Since dishes were such an issue, her big chore was now the upkeep of the living room. That would include picking up, vacuuming and dusting. And she was still expected to help out around the house like everyone else does. That went well, for maybe a week, and it started again.
I mean, at this age what consequences can you give? She can just say "kiss my ass" and walk out the door. I don't really think she will ever do that, although she mentioned moving out before. She owns her own car, she pays us for lovely smart phone. Its not like she's a kid, so can you really ground them and if so, from what? I do not want to push my daughter away, but financially she cannot support herself. She works maybe 10 hours a week. I have also told her she needs to secure full time employment. I have her nearly 2 months to do this, she has filled out 2 applications so far. She has 3 weeks left. Left for what I ask myself...what am I going to do when she is not working full time?
I love my kids with all of my heart and I want the best for them, but this is getting ridiculous! I mean she was a perfectly good kid who couldn't wait to grow up. Now it is a challenge to get her to grow up! I am at my whits end! Kicking her out is not an option, she has no money and no where to go, but at what point does she just get it? I mean why does she think it is perfectly acceptable to sit on her ass at home all day while we work and then run all night. What the hell happened to her morals?! Ughhhhh! HELP! I am tired of her excuses, I am tired of her little lies and I am tired of being used. I would do anything to help my kids, but I can't take this anymore. I love this child, but she is pushing the tests of our bond...
When you have an adult child living in your home, do you set forth rules like you would for the others? Do you have expectations of behaviors, spending habits, curfews and such? Maybe I am a bit strict at times and share my thoughts too much with Brat 1, but she really needs the guidance at times!
She thought that 18 was a magic number and she would be free to do as she pleased! Well she was in for a rude awakening. We really didn't have a lot to go of of as a model for this age. At 18, I had brat 1 and at 18 my husband was on call for his legally blind father. We asked a few friends and the rest we pulled out of air and came up with this:
She would continue to have rules under our roof. She would continue to help out around the house and she would have curfew. This went OK for a while, then she tried to buck the system...DAILY! It was a constant struggle for her to stick with our rules. Her major chore was the dishes as it has been for a years. I think I would have had an easier time pulling my own teeth out with tweezers. And it is not like she flat out refused to do them. There was just always an excuse, she didn't have time to do them after dinner, or before work, etc.
Curfews were another struggle. On weeknights, be home by 10, weekends were negotiable, but usually midnight, one...something like that. Now, the 10 on weeknights was set forth because the rest of us at home had to be up early for work and school. We didn't want to be woken up by her strolling in at the butt crack of dawn or in the middle of the night. It started out 5 minutes, then went to 10, and it gradually increased from there. She was always telling little white lies about where she was and what she was doing. She is legally an adult, but she still needed to have the courtesy to let us know where she was going. And I HATE lies...there was no reason for it. I was ready to pull my hair out!
My husband and I discussed it all again, revamped the rules and it went something like this...she will have no curfew, BUT she had to let us know her general plans and what time she planned to go home, for example..."I'm going go hang with Kim at the mall while we decide what to do tonight. I will be home by midnight". Easy enough we thought. Since dishes were such an issue, her big chore was now the upkeep of the living room. That would include picking up, vacuuming and dusting. And she was still expected to help out around the house like everyone else does. That went well, for maybe a week, and it started again.
I mean, at this age what consequences can you give? She can just say "kiss my ass" and walk out the door. I don't really think she will ever do that, although she mentioned moving out before. She owns her own car, she pays us for lovely smart phone. Its not like she's a kid, so can you really ground them and if so, from what? I do not want to push my daughter away, but financially she cannot support herself. She works maybe 10 hours a week. I have also told her she needs to secure full time employment. I have her nearly 2 months to do this, she has filled out 2 applications so far. She has 3 weeks left. Left for what I ask myself...what am I going to do when she is not working full time?
I love my kids with all of my heart and I want the best for them, but this is getting ridiculous! I mean she was a perfectly good kid who couldn't wait to grow up. Now it is a challenge to get her to grow up! I am at my whits end! Kicking her out is not an option, she has no money and no where to go, but at what point does she just get it? I mean why does she think it is perfectly acceptable to sit on her ass at home all day while we work and then run all night. What the hell happened to her morals?! Ughhhhh! HELP! I am tired of her excuses, I am tired of her little lies and I am tired of being used. I would do anything to help my kids, but I can't take this anymore. I love this child, but she is pushing the tests of our bond...
He's Got Jokes!
Well, some how I managed to delete my post from Friday night...so let me try this again!
We have scheduled plans that we follow out just about every week. Thursdays are date night, no kids, just the parents. And kids are only allowed to call for emergencies, (and they always call at least once, lol...and it is NOT an emergency). Our night consists of going to dinner, preferably somewhere where you do not order your food through a microphone. And a place where you are served and do not bus your own table. After that, being the rebels that we are we head off to the library! We might even stay there a couple of hours, its quiet there! We might log on to the computers or go over bills or discuss upcoming things, but it is our time! :) Sometimes there is even a trip to Walmart or Target! Hell yeah!
Next is Friday night dinner out with the family. They think of it as a special treat, but actually it is just a night to not cook and clean, lol. This Friday night was no exception. Only two of the kids were home to go with us tonight, brats 2 and 4. We went to our favorite Mexican restaurant. It is nice to go to a place, be recognized by the management, greeted and socialized with. And to top it off, he always brings brat 2 a huge bowl of salsa. This is first and foremost GREAT customer service and second, it saves his staff the hassle of running to our table to refill brat 2's small dipping bowl every 5 seconds. He literally inhales it! He is a tall slender kid, but don't let that fool you! He CAN eat you out of house and home! He just applied for a job at this restaurant, lol.
After dinner we are in car heading home, and brat 2 is sharing a story for his day and almost lets out a cuss word, lol. Now mind you, he is nearly 18 and we as his parents do not have the cleanest vocabulary ourselves. But he, like the rest of the kids have that respect and courtesy towards us. So, we make a joke about it and are having a little laugh when brat 4 pipes up and says, "I can't wait until I am old enough to cuss. I have some great jokes to tell you!" WTF???? Hold it kid, what did you just say? I kept my head forward, bit my tongue to not laugh and reminded him that he didn't need to worry about cussing, lol. I know, I know, I should not be laughing about this, but I swear you had to be there! Oh, the comic relief brat 4 brings to our lives...PRICELESS!
We have scheduled plans that we follow out just about every week. Thursdays are date night, no kids, just the parents. And kids are only allowed to call for emergencies, (and they always call at least once, lol...and it is NOT an emergency). Our night consists of going to dinner, preferably somewhere where you do not order your food through a microphone. And a place where you are served and do not bus your own table. After that, being the rebels that we are we head off to the library! We might even stay there a couple of hours, its quiet there! We might log on to the computers or go over bills or discuss upcoming things, but it is our time! :) Sometimes there is even a trip to Walmart or Target! Hell yeah!
Next is Friday night dinner out with the family. They think of it as a special treat, but actually it is just a night to not cook and clean, lol. This Friday night was no exception. Only two of the kids were home to go with us tonight, brats 2 and 4. We went to our favorite Mexican restaurant. It is nice to go to a place, be recognized by the management, greeted and socialized with. And to top it off, he always brings brat 2 a huge bowl of salsa. This is first and foremost GREAT customer service and second, it saves his staff the hassle of running to our table to refill brat 2's small dipping bowl every 5 seconds. He literally inhales it! He is a tall slender kid, but don't let that fool you! He CAN eat you out of house and home! He just applied for a job at this restaurant, lol.
After dinner we are in car heading home, and brat 2 is sharing a story for his day and almost lets out a cuss word, lol. Now mind you, he is nearly 18 and we as his parents do not have the cleanest vocabulary ourselves. But he, like the rest of the kids have that respect and courtesy towards us. So, we make a joke about it and are having a little laugh when brat 4 pipes up and says, "I can't wait until I am old enough to cuss. I have some great jokes to tell you!" WTF???? Hold it kid, what did you just say? I kept my head forward, bit my tongue to not laugh and reminded him that he didn't need to worry about cussing, lol. I know, I know, I should not be laughing about this, but I swear you had to be there! Oh, the comic relief brat 4 brings to our lives...PRICELESS!
Thursday, January 5, 2012
My Crazy Family
Let's get this blog started! First a little about my family and I...There are 4 (lovely at times) children who are currently 19, 17, 15 and 7 (Lord help us!). We affectionately call them brat 1, brat 2, brat 3 and brat 4. And they answer to this! Brats 1,2 and 4 are biologically mine and brat 3 is biologically my husband's. He adopted my 3, so he is the father of all 4. Brat 3 lives between the 2 houses...confused yet?
The oldest (brat 1) is the only girl and this first to test my patience at the most inopportune times. And yes, I see a lot of me in her. I have the desire to call my mother often and apologize for any issues I might have caused her. Then of course I come to my senses! If the "I hope you have a child who acts even worse than you" curse was placed upon me, it just makes me wonder what terrible things my mother might have done, lol. I was not a perfect child, but I was not a terrible kid either. I know I gave my momma a run for the money at times, lol.
Brat 1 has graduated high school, pissed away 2 semesters at a local community college and is struggling to find her place in this world. She will VERY soon be a 5 YEAR CHILDHOOD CANCER SURVIVOR! :) She is a free spirit and I believe born in the wrong decade. I could so see her striving in the 60's, lol. She has a heart of gold and loves to advocate for childhood cancer. But lately she seems to have an obstructed view on life and how it works. Hopefully she will figure it out soon! She has worked barely part time since graduation and has seemed to have lost her motivation. I know she left it around the house somewhere, but damned if we can find it! The search continues!
Brat 2 is soon approaching his high school graduation, just about 4 months away! He has several ideas for life after graduation, but has not made up his mind which path he will walk down yet. He is the kid to usually give us the least amount of grief. He is a gamer and has recently started to discover there is a life outside of the house and his PS3. Brat 3 is the silent type until he gets to know you, and he has also been dubbed the class clown. He is in "training" with dad to get his license, (since kids driving scare the hell out of Mom!). He is having his best year ever with grades and I could kick him in the rear for not getting these good of grades earlier! But not much I can do about it now, just going to be happy they are good!
Brat 3 is currently not speaking to us, and I would need an entire blog to tell you the whole story. To sum it up, he views us as strict and it seems his mother lets him do pretty much as he pleases. So yes, that means we are not that strict, we just don't allow free reign, lol. What would you choose if you could at that age? He is lacking in the respect department and that does not go over well at our house. He is a work in progress and hopefully we can get him on the right track in life. It is tough knowing they are going down hill and you can't do what you want to do to fix it. It is hard when you and the other parent disagree on what is right and wrong and just how to raise them. Wish us luck, we want the best for him!
And then there is Brat 4...there are so many ways to describe this child, hmmmm...where to begin? Well, he is considerably younger then his siblings. I like to think of him as a sponge. He is observant, he soaks it all in. He is not often shy and pretty witty for a 7 year old. His comic stylings are coming along, but it is often his normal everyday actions/questions/responses that are the most funny. He very much has a little of each siblings personality in him. He strives to be like his dad and is not afraid to try new things. There is not a veggie he won't eat, a spot on him that cannot be tickled, or a joke he won't laugh at. He likes school and excels with every aspect of it. He is famous for his "rock on" look (throwing the horns) and at this point in his life plans to be a rock-n-roll drumming store owning doctor police officer. You gotta love a kid with ambition!
So that is our kids in a nut shell...each of them terrific, each of them a pain in the ass, lol...but they are ours and we love them all. We may have turned more gray, lost much sleep and stressed on a few pounds here and there over them, but that is life and we are ALL a work in progress.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Disclaimer
Disclaimer: I do not claim to be a perfect parent with perfectly behaved children. I do not sensor myself well and I do not sugar coat life for my family. I am a tell-it-like-it is mom...I expect respect from my children and they get that respect in return. I have been known to nag, pester and drive my children nuts...all in the name of love. My goal is to do what it takes to get these kids to adulthood alive, educated, without a criminal record if possible and with a good head on their shoulders. I want them full of great values that will take them far in life and pass those along to their own children. I will be there friend later, right now I am their parent.
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