You're Doing It Wrong...Stop The Yelling

 I never really considered myself a big time "yeller" but when I look back and reflect, well damn!  I never knew.  Yelling doesn't always mean screaming at the top of lungs so loud they could hear you in China. Yelling is a way to communicate big feelings, and unfortunately poor form of verbal interaction.  Of course you will catch the attention of the person you are yelling at, but the focus is not there.  All of the words will not sink in, they will be more focused on the tone, pitch and volume of your voice.  

I come from a long line of yellers.  It was considered the norm for so long.  My father was a police officer, and his voice alone was enough to keep me in line.  My mom, well of course she yelled at me...she was raising me after all! LOL  Now as far as grandparents go, I remember my mom's parents as yellers, big time!  But not my dad's...at least not my grandma.  I remember Grandpa yelling, but it was never directed towards me so I didn't pay much attention to it.  

Parenting styles are inherited from your own upbringing and slightly tweak them to fit with your own values, experiences and the times.  There is 12 years between my oldest child and my youngest child.  And I can tell you that I do parent them differently.  It's not because my youngest is the baby either.  I was very young when I had my first 2 kids.  I didn't have as much patience and worldly experience.  By the time I had my 3rd child I was more mature, learned how to better cope with stressful situations and could learn from my, dare I say it...mistakes?  I don't think I raised any of my kids incorrectly.  They have all turned out just fine, (so far)...

I am/was a believer in spanking.  My thoughts on the topic have changed, but only slightly.   I do not believe it is abuse, I do not look down on people for doing it, but there is a proper way for it to be done effectively.  Now the difference between how I spanked my first 2 kids versus the last one?  Several things, all while keeping the same beliefs.  Was the last one just a better kid?  LMAO...No way!  They were all pretty ornery!  I had just learned to be more patient for starters.  There is a HUGE difference between a first time parent at 18 and 3rd time parent at 30.  I understood kids better by the 3rd one, and with that we were able to avoid situations where in the past would have resulted in a spanking and or yelling.  

So, back to the yelling...lol.  I think everyone is capable of yelling, just not everyone chooses to use that ability.  I think we can all agree that yelling is also one of the least effective forms of communication.  I would tend to shut down in most situations where I might be yelled at.  Yelling as a chosen form of communications is favorable to people who are bullies, abusers and drill sergeants.  They are all trying to show dominance and bring about respect through fear.  The only people that I think this can have any positive outcome might be the drill sergeant!  Their tactic is to break you in a sense, I have no desire to break anything that is part of my children.

With that in mind, it makes me rethink how I handle stressful issues and feelings of anger. If I am not careful, those moments can get out of control really quick and things might be said that don't need to be.  Or the volume of my voice can rise to a point that I have been shut out by the receiver.  And until you honestly think about it, think about how you might be in those moments, you just have no idea.  It was very eye opening for me.  It's like watching a movie of yourself, but in your head.  Imagine how you would feel being yelled at like that.  Take a moment, a long moment and seriously think about how you react and the volume and tone you use..........................................................................
Scary, isn't it?

There is a lot of talk these days about pets.  Such as training them, how you should speak to them to get the desired results and so on.  The big thing right now is to not beak their spirit, do not destroy who they really are because animals have feelings, too.  Well put your child in this story now, I by no means want to break my child's spirit or alter who they are at all.  I never want to speak to them in such a way that makes them feel they are "beneath me" or not my equal in respect.  I am not saying I want to them to get away with doing wrong, but I want to be sure to effectively communicate my feelings to them in hopes that they will do the same. I don't want them to live in fear of every action they do or every word they speak might upset me during everyday type situations. 

I am one of those that will fill in the blanks.  By that I mean, if I have asked a question and I am not getting a response, I am very likely to fill in the blank in hopes of getting some sort of a reply.  It might be exaggerated and it might not be, it will probably piss off the one I am speaking to, but when the moment is tense and the other party is not cooperating, tempers flare and words are not as well thought out.  I know I need to stop this, I know I need to be the one to remain in control of myself.  They second I lose control of my emotions, the situation at hand might as well not even exist because nothing positive will come of it this way.

So, how do you change this behavior?  How do you get others on board with it also?  Let's face it, the sooner everyone realizes that being in control of your actions is a much better way to communicate the better off it will all be.  I am not out to change my family by any means.  We are all who we are and that is what makes us, well...us!   We are not bad people, we are not mean.  If anything, we are just passionate and honestly slightly stubborn.  I cannot just spring this on them and expect everyone to follow suit and it'll be perfect.  I need to think about how I myself am going to approach this change.  I need to observe myself and take mental notes in various situations for just a bit.  I need to find out my trigger points and take it from there. 

I hope that through my own self observations that I can start to make little changes that might be noticed.  And by the time that I have a handle on making this work for myself, I can then share with my family and take it from there.  Hopefully by then they might be able to see a change and make it that much easier for us to all do this together.  I am not saying there will not be slip ups and the occasional emotional flare, but I think it will be able to handled better.  To ensure great communication and make for great family memories.  I am really digging this idea and I hope my family will also.  I want to put this out there as a personal challenge to anyone reading this.  Can you stop the yelling?  Stay tuned to see how I do!  

The Gay Boob and the Ass

Catchy title, huh?  Let me explain...we bought our youngest son a tablet, (Google Nexus, awesome!) not too long ago. Being the youngest of 4 (teens and adults), he always had envy of the older kids' electronics.  We didn't want to get him his own game system like the 2 boys.  He didn't need a fancy "I" product of any type.  He loved the features on our phones, (which are all Google based), so the tablet was the perfect choice! 

Even at the age of 8, the video game bug has bitten him.  He likes the game Minecraft.  He has to earn his game time, but he does well with it.  His other favorite thing to do with tablet time is watch various videos on Youtube.  That usually consists of videos about mind craft, cartoons and a few videos about pranksters   All innocent stuff that is done in front of us. 

Since today was President's Day he didn't have school and stayed home with his brother.  Around lunch time I got a call asking if he could get on his tablet for a bit.  I figured, why not?  He has been good, he is bored hanging with his brother, no harm, no foul.  I ate my lunch and afterwards I was going to show my coworker a funny video my husband put up on Youtube.  I brought it up on my phone and before I could get to the video I wanted to show her, I see where my youngest has "commented" on a video.  He has NEVER done that before and I clicked on it to check it out...WOW!  

I had to excuse myself from my coworker and go further check out what I was reading here.  Now mind you, it was NOT anything horrible, but it WAS posted by my 8 year old son!  The first video was from a popular Youtube couple that I will not mention their names.  They have been deleted from my son's account, lol.  It was not a bad thing, in fact they mentioned pranks in their title, so that must be why Youtube returned it in the search results.  In the video they were discussing zombie names from a online generator and the lady's came back as "Boob eater", the guy was Gay something.  So, my young, sweet and innocent 8 year old thought it would be cute to combine their names since he thought "boob eater" was gross.  He typed a simple comment, 2 words that made me flip..."Gay Boob".

Now I am sure he my son didn't mean it as an insult to anyone, not at all.  He knows what gay means, he knows what boob means.  And thanks goodness at 8, boobs are still gross, lmao!   It doesn't lessen the shock of seeing that typed out from my son's alias, (he is not allowed to use his real name online).  I called him, told him to put the tablet away, told him I saw the comment and I was not happy.  He instantly cried, claimed to understand my anger and hung up to go read a book.  I then called my husband and told him the story.  After he finally quit laughing, he decided that we really didn't set up the clearest of rules for him on the tablet.  He was usually on it around us, we hadn't needed to, until today.

I calmed down, called my son back and explained to him that it was not appropiate to use that word at his age or on the internet.  I told him we would talk about it when we got home from work.  In the middle of talking about it, my husband sends me a text that he saw another post from our son.  OMG...really child?!  Yes, again it was not age appropriate.  This one was on a vlog for the same couple, and they had shown a shot of hairy legs, clearly belonging to the man in the video.  Jokingly someone commented how hairy the girl's legs were, lol.  I guess it upset my son and he replied to this guy, "It his leg, ass".  I had to reread it several times and actually ask him what it meant, (it was before I saw the video.

It sounds horrible to say my 8 year old called a grown up an ass on Youtube, it makes it sound like we are horrible parents.  Honestly, we do use cuss words, he hears them, (don't judge) and he knows better than to use them himself.  Or at least we thought!  The funny thing, (yes...there is a funny part of this), I am not sure he meant it as an insult.  It would seem that way.  I sure thought so at first.  But as read the page, everyone was using this word.  Actually quiet a few people were calling others an ass.  Not that it makes it right by any mean, but he thought it was part of joke and was following along with everyone else.  I did have the urge to use my mother's famous line of "if all your friends jumped off a bridge...", but I refrained.  

To sum it up, my son was very embarrassed.  We checked his account activity very well and today was the first and only day he had ever commented on there.  It was also the last for a VERY long time.  He felt bad, and I don't think he thought it was visible by everyone.  He learned a valuable lesson, as did we.  We questioned our parenting for a few moments and then we were over it.  Lessons taught, lessons learned.  No one ever said raising kids was easy!!!!  I love my family!

What Is Normal?

Normal by definition: 1. conforming to a type, standard or regular pattern. 2. According with, constituting, or not deviating from a norm, rule or principle. 3. Free from a mental disorder.  




Oh hell, I guess I am not "normal", by definition at least!  Especially when you compare me to the other moms and women my age around here.  We recently moved to a new area.  Its not far from our previous home, but it is an up and coming area that was really booming until the economy tanked.  A lot of "money" moved out this way and beige-topia was built to appease the masses.  

To be honest, we were not attracted by the social class of most of the residents, we are middle class and do just fine.  It was the schools we were after.  Our older kids have graduated and are in college. We only have one left in school.  And not to brag, but he is wise beyond his years...when he can be calm and think, lol.  We wanted him in a school that would challenge him.  So, here we are.  The heart of beige-topia and not the exact social norm.

I didn't think much about it until we went to back to school night at my son's school.  I have never seen so much plastic and I am not talking about school supplies and gym equipment.  Most of them had overly sized and overly perfect boobs, nonexistent waists and no asses.  There was a lot of faking baked tans and TONS of blonde hair dye!  And this is just the school staff!  HA!  Gotcha, lol...but seriously that does describe a LOT of the moms.  I felt a little different.  I am not a cow, but I am not a stick either, I do eat.  I had just come from work so I was still in scrubs.  Most of these women were in designer clothes, dressed to impress and flashy, showing it off.  Really ladies?  It's just a school, not a fashion run way...

The teeth bleaching is a serious habit there, so the schools could save money on lighting just by inviting the moms to the school more often.  Now I am not bashing on the "pretty people" because first of all they would have to be pretty, lol.  I am bashing on the fake people.  I would have plastic surgery in a heartbeat!  Who wouldn't love to have a tummy tuck after carrying 3 kids.  I would love for my boobs to be back in their original location. But to be honest, if it ever happens, yeah for me.  If not, I am fine with it.  Plus, my husband doesn't seemed grossed out by me, so it's all good!

I am just there for my child to have a top notch education and really have a great chance to excel in life.  If I have to be looked down on by some of these people, I can live with that.  For the most part nobody said much or looked at as funny.  But there were the few parents that pulled their kids a little closer after passing us in the hall, lol.  Maybe I should describe us a little better. My husband is over 6 feet tall, bald with a goatee.  I have brown hair down to my waist when it is not pulled up in a bun or ponytail.  We are jeans and t shirt kinda people.  If I could get away with it, I would wear flannel pajama pants everywhere.  Don't worry, I rarely wear them in public, lol. 




 We have a nice house, we have nice cars...it's not like we are parking them in the yard up on blocks, lol.  We don't have a couch on the front porch and no boards across the windows.  I would however dig a moat around my house to keep the annoying kids of the neighborhood from knocking on my door all the time.  


Occasionally we almost run over the neighborhood kids.  And it's not on purpose, really.  They seem to think it is OK to run through other's people yards which includes driveways. And when you have 4 vehicles in your driveway, you can't always see a kid running as fast as all get out.  My braking skills have improved, lucky for them.  When this happens, we sometimes get looks from the parents that might be outside.  Kind of like a "how dare you about back over my child who ran from in between 2 parked cars out of your eyesight and on your own property" sort of thing.  You know how it goes.  Totally our fault!  But yet I remain consistent with the fact that we are normal...

Some of these kids do not realize that they do not own everything around them.  They assume it is OK ride their backs through our yard, (new fence coming soon!), run over the sump pump drainage spouts, drop their bikes in our yard, leave their toys in our yard for us to find when we mow, to hang out 5 feet from someone's sliding glass door and scream at the top of their lungs at their brother, or worse yet when they stare through the door while you eat.  I blame this on their parents.  It's called having no manners and it is obviously not taught at the home.  It also borderlines on stupidity, because I thought it was common sense, however, I could be wrong.  I have to remind myself, money does not buy brains, money does NOT buy brains...*deep breath*

I might have gotten a little side tracked with this blog, after all it usually takes me half the day to write it since I am doing this at work, whenever I can squeeze in a few moments to write a line or 2.  Speaking of working, I am sure a lot of these women I was speaking about are stay at home moms, but not in the true sense.  To me, a stay at home mom is home...with a kid...at the same time.  Am I wrong?  I mean I could be.  I have not experienced this first hand, nor was raised by a stay at home mom.  I come from a working momma, and proud of it! 

I have nothing against stay at home moms, but if you are going to call yourself that, be sure you are home with a kid please!  I mean technically I guess I am a stay at home mom in the evenings, right?  I mean one or more of my kids are always home and so I am.  Its a technicality. 

And just to sum up here with the worst of the worst, it would be the family that does not belong, anywhere, but a remote island.  They have the worst acting kids, they are the parents that yell for everything, ignore if it suits and have been quoted saying this after you tell them of their child's bad behavior, "Don't be afraid to yell at them, it does no good for me to say anything.  They never listen to me.  They get on my nerves.  Get after them if you have to". Whoa, whoa, whoa...hold the door.  WTF did you just say?  Did you just tell, your new neighbor that you don't know, to basically discipline your children?  Are you like, FOR REAL LADY?  

I could think of many ways to discipline your children, but really...it's your job.  I like freedom and do not want to go to jail.  Just teach your kids respect, I don't care of you are rich, poor, middle class or no class.  Don't raise idiots...if we put a stop to it now, we could soon have an idiot free world to enjoy.  

JUST BE NORMAL!!!!!!!  

Bragging Rights...

I cannot tell you how many times I hear my coworkers bragging about how cute their kids are, what cute little things they say when dancing around or playing on a play date and how well they did in 3 year old soccer, and blah blah blah blah.  Then here I am...OK, it is my turn to brag, so here it goes, "My 7 year old out burped my 19 year old.  It was so loud it shook the living room windows!"  Whew!!!!  Top that one ladies!  Oh wait, I shared a cute story, so why are they all looking at me like that?  


Of course we all come from different backgrounds, and there are a few different "money classes", but when you break it down, we are all on the same level.  We all get along and share stories and laugh together, except when it comes to kids.  It seems to be like a "my kid is better than your kid" type of thing.  And they try to make themselves sound like the perfect parent.  Well here it goes, I will be the first to admit it, "I am NOT a perfect parent!"  That just took a load off of my shoulders!  Perfect by definition: completely free from faults or defects, or as close to such combination as possible.  <----that folks, is not me, and I wouldn't want that!  What fun would that be?


I happen to be a very proud momma, and I love my kids very much.  I brag on them whenever possible.  It just seems that my bragging might be a little too much real world compared to my coworkers.  I am not ashamed, embarrassed or too proud to share some of the silly things or what some of my coworkers seem to think it too taboo to discuss.  For example, has your kid ever cussed, (on accident or purpose, lol)?  Mine have...every single one of them!  


Not that I am proud of it, but you have to laugh sometimes about it.  Here is my favorite...my oldest son was about 3, he had gotten in trouble for something and I told him to stand in the corner.  Very quietly I thought I heard him say something like "damn it"...I asked him what he said, he said "nothing".  Then a few seconds later, I heard it again, only a little bit louder, "damn it". I immediately asked him again, "What did you say?"  He turned and looked at me, with a very puzzled look on his face and said, "Nothing".  I was thinking to myself, how dare you lie like this! He turned his face away and then once again I heard it, I knew it!  I remember saying, "Why did you say that?  That is a bad word!"  He looked up at me, still puzzled and said, "I didn't see you."  Now I was puzzled.  And asked what he meant.  He seemed to think that if he didn't see my face, that I couldn't hear him, lol.  He was mad that he was in time out, hence the "damn it".  Now I know that it is not appropriate for a 3 year old to say that, but DAMN IT, the context was right on the money! lol  Don't worry, I did not condone it, and he was told him that it was not nice to say that.  Afterwards, I went to the bathroom and laughed so hard I cried.


There are inappropriate things everywhere you go, and you cannot shield your child from it all.  I am not overly cautious and so strict that my kids never heard bad words or phrases as young children.  With that said, I was not shouting out cuss words with every sentence I spoke.  But occasionally they would slip and it was not a shock for them to hear it.  It was also a good learning moment, lol..."don't say that just because Mommy did".  And you know what, my kids respect that at home.  


Like I previously stated in my blog, I am not your normal everyday mom...but maybe I should be.  By that, I do not mean I should change one bit, but maybe others could take a lesson from me.  I think that a lot of parents are in some ways like me, they just won't admit it...and the rest of them are not ready for my type of parenting, lol.