Michael Jackson - Thriller

This is a classic!!!!  I just thought I would share...Happy Halloween Everyone!

OMG STFU

First let me just say, I love ALL of my kids...even the ones that act like assholes.  Yep, you read that right!  

You were thinking it, I just said it.  Hell I was thinking it too!  It's true, especially the older ones.  Oh the joys of parenthood!  It is such an extreme, ranging from being so proud one moment to wanting to gnaw your own arm off to get away to next.  Don't get me wrong, I love my kids more than life itself, but some days are really a true test of strength, sanity and your ability to cope with pure ciaos. 

The good thing is that right now, only 2 of the 4 kids are pains.  I have questioned and judged my own parenting abilities after dealing with them, and I have come to this conclusion...they are just being assholes.  Cruel you say?  How could a parent say that about their own child you say?  Well, live with them, deal with their antics and then you tell me.  Trust me, calling them assholes is actually a nicer alternative.  

Its really not as bad as it sounds.  An asshole is simply someone who disrupts the generally tranquil nature of a certain situation or place.  They can also be a rude, selfish and/or offensive person.  So see, I have just described the majority of the world.  We can all be assholes from time to time, but 2 of these kids are pushing their limits!  Much like a lot of kids do.  But what is a parent who has tried everything to do?  You buckle up and hold on...it's gonna be a bumpy ride.

For the most part they are not doing anything that the majority of others kids don't do or things we haven't done ourselves at those ages.  It is just amplified and extreme at times. At some point you just hope there is a cut off point where it all stops.  You pray for it, you live for it!  You want to protect them from doing wrong, you want them to grow up happy healthy and hopefully fully intact...you can only do so much.

I pray that all of my kids grow up to be spectacular adults who strive to improve their very existence at every given moment.  But hell, let's get realistic.  I want them to finish college, get a job that pays better than average and remember to call their mother once in a while!  I want them happy, healthy and full of the knowledge that no matter how much of an asshole they were in their teen/young adult years that they are still loved and cared for, barely, but they are.  Is that too much to ask for?

So, before you plan your revenge and before you sever all ties to them, just remember...being an asshole is NOT always a permanent thing.  They are capable of  change, not all of them, but most.  There will be a few of you that are unlucky, God bless you, you are in my prayers.  For those who have the ones that turn around and become productive and semi proper members of society, count your blessings.  And secretly hope that their kids give them a dose of what you dealt with!  

I am holding out for the turn around and hoping the other two never start...until next time, peace, love and sanity.

What Is Normal?

Normal by definition: 1. conforming to a type, standard or regular pattern. 2. According with, constituting, or not deviating from a norm, rule or principle. 3. Free from a mental disorder.  




Oh hell, I guess I am not "normal", by definition at least!  Especially when you compare me to the other moms and women my age around here.  We recently moved to a new area.  Its not far from our previous home, but it is an up and coming area that was really booming until the economy tanked.  A lot of "money" moved out this way and beige-topia was built to appease the masses.  

To be honest, we were not attracted by the social class of most of the residents, we are middle class and do just fine.  It was the schools we were after.  Our older kids have graduated and are in college. We only have one left in school.  And not to brag, but he is wise beyond his years...when he can be calm and think, lol.  We wanted him in a school that would challenge him.  So, here we are.  The heart of beige-topia and not the exact social norm.

I didn't think much about it until we went to back to school night at my son's school.  I have never seen so much plastic and I am not talking about school supplies and gym equipment.  Most of them had overly sized and overly perfect boobs, nonexistent waists and no asses.  There was a lot of faking baked tans and TONS of blonde hair dye!  And this is just the school staff!  HA!  Gotcha, lol...but seriously that does describe a LOT of the moms.  I felt a little different.  I am not a cow, but I am not a stick either, I do eat.  I had just come from work so I was still in scrubs.  Most of these women were in designer clothes, dressed to impress and flashy, showing it off.  Really ladies?  It's just a school, not a fashion run way...

The teeth bleaching is a serious habit there, so the schools could save money on lighting just by inviting the moms to the school more often.  Now I am not bashing on the "pretty people" because first of all they would have to be pretty, lol.  I am bashing on the fake people.  I would have plastic surgery in a heartbeat!  Who wouldn't love to have a tummy tuck after carrying 3 kids.  I would love for my boobs to be back in their original location. But to be honest, if it ever happens, yeah for me.  If not, I am fine with it.  Plus, my husband doesn't seemed grossed out by me, so it's all good!

I am just there for my child to have a top notch education and really have a great chance to excel in life.  If I have to be looked down on by some of these people, I can live with that.  For the most part nobody said much or looked at as funny.  But there were the few parents that pulled their kids a little closer after passing us in the hall, lol.  Maybe I should describe us a little better. My husband is over 6 feet tall, bald with a goatee.  I have brown hair down to my waist when it is not pulled up in a bun or ponytail.  We are jeans and t shirt kinda people.  If I could get away with it, I would wear flannel pajama pants everywhere.  Don't worry, I rarely wear them in public, lol. 




 We have a nice house, we have nice cars...it's not like we are parking them in the yard up on blocks, lol.  We don't have a couch on the front porch and no boards across the windows.  I would however dig a moat around my house to keep the annoying kids of the neighborhood from knocking on my door all the time.  


Occasionally we almost run over the neighborhood kids.  And it's not on purpose, really.  They seem to think it is OK to run through other's people yards which includes driveways. And when you have 4 vehicles in your driveway, you can't always see a kid running as fast as all get out.  My braking skills have improved, lucky for them.  When this happens, we sometimes get looks from the parents that might be outside.  Kind of like a "how dare you about back over my child who ran from in between 2 parked cars out of your eyesight and on your own property" sort of thing.  You know how it goes.  Totally our fault!  But yet I remain consistent with the fact that we are normal...

Some of these kids do not realize that they do not own everything around them.  They assume it is OK ride their backs through our yard, (new fence coming soon!), run over the sump pump drainage spouts, drop their bikes in our yard, leave their toys in our yard for us to find when we mow, to hang out 5 feet from someone's sliding glass door and scream at the top of their lungs at their brother, or worse yet when they stare through the door while you eat.  I blame this on their parents.  It's called having no manners and it is obviously not taught at the home.  It also borderlines on stupidity, because I thought it was common sense, however, I could be wrong.  I have to remind myself, money does not buy brains, money does NOT buy brains...*deep breath*

I might have gotten a little side tracked with this blog, after all it usually takes me half the day to write it since I am doing this at work, whenever I can squeeze in a few moments to write a line or 2.  Speaking of working, I am sure a lot of these women I was speaking about are stay at home moms, but not in the true sense.  To me, a stay at home mom is home...with a kid...at the same time.  Am I wrong?  I mean I could be.  I have not experienced this first hand, nor was raised by a stay at home mom.  I come from a working momma, and proud of it! 

I have nothing against stay at home moms, but if you are going to call yourself that, be sure you are home with a kid please!  I mean technically I guess I am a stay at home mom in the evenings, right?  I mean one or more of my kids are always home and so I am.  Its a technicality. 

And just to sum up here with the worst of the worst, it would be the family that does not belong, anywhere, but a remote island.  They have the worst acting kids, they are the parents that yell for everything, ignore if it suits and have been quoted saying this after you tell them of their child's bad behavior, "Don't be afraid to yell at them, it does no good for me to say anything.  They never listen to me.  They get on my nerves.  Get after them if you have to". Whoa, whoa, whoa...hold the door.  WTF did you just say?  Did you just tell, your new neighbor that you don't know, to basically discipline your children?  Are you like, FOR REAL LADY?  

I could think of many ways to discipline your children, but really...it's your job.  I like freedom and do not want to go to jail.  Just teach your kids respect, I don't care of you are rich, poor, middle class or no class.  Don't raise idiots...if we put a stop to it now, we could soon have an idiot free world to enjoy.  

JUST BE NORMAL!!!!!!!  

Ode To Bubble Wrap

In today's day and age when everyone is quick to prescribe a pill, let's think of an age old product that can relieve stress, cheer you up, make you smile and over all send you to a happy place.  That my friends would be called bubble wrap... 

The uses are many and there is fun to be had by all!  Often people don't look past the typical and most common use for this wonderful product.  It is so beyond a package material!  It not only keeps your packages safe from breakage while being mailed.  It can save a LIFE!  You read that right, bubble wrap saves lives!  Trust me on this one!  

Mondays can be stressful enough, add on top of that bitchy co-workers, annoying neighbors, rude clerks, this list goes on and on.  Just turn to the bubble wrap!  Pop a few, pop the whole damn sheet.  Pop until you feel better.  Pretend the bubbles are the heads of those annoying you!  BONUS!  



  

I can honestly say that I have never had to purchase bubble wrap.  And it is kind of exciting to open a package and find some! 
As long as the kids have not seen it, I usually pop a few and then put it away.  Saving the pops for when really needed!  You know that if and when the kids find it, it's all over.  They show no restraint when it comes to the popping.  They will pop your entire sheet in the blink of an eye.  Then what will you do?  


And maybe this is just me, but I get annoyed when someone else is popping bubble wrap.  Especially when it is mine!  The sound is not nearly as pleasing, and quiet frankly it's annoying as hell.  I can handle it for a minute, or for a few good pops.  But then it must stop!  That is MY free therapy they are popping.  I receive no benefits from others popping the bubble wrap.  

Of course it is also just fun to do, there does not always need to be stress.  Although it is a calming distraction, you can make it a functional piece of material.  For example:

Don't have anything to wear out on the town with that special someone?  Do you want a one of a kind original?  Well...Try a bubble wrap dress!  If there is a lull in the conversation, just start popping the dress to pass the time!  Interchange belts to create a whole new look!  

The night out went well and now it's wedding time!  Once again, not to be outdone...a one of a kind wedding dress!  Beautiful and functional!  When you are done, it "packs" well...

A few years after the wedding, you can be that overprotective mom!  Chances of injury are greatly reduced with this ensemble! You can also apply it to their heads and make a helmet of sorts...

And last but not least, if you do choose to dress with bubble wrap then you might want to look into the intergalactic space suits and cover all of your clothing needs...Zoltan approved. 





So, that is it in a nut shell...bubble wrap is fabulous!  And if you doubt me, well then just take his words for it...

And last, but not least: