Positive in a Negative World

In a world full of negativity, I think it is good to fill our kids' heads with as much positive as possible.  I don't mean exaggerate and/or lie to make things sound great, but pointing out the obvious and making an effort to recognize something done well never hurt anyone.  And just to clarify, I don't mean to over do it and tell them good job for everything they do.  For example, at the age of nearly 9, I wouldn't hand out a compliment for getting his shoes on the right foot or picking up his room.  I might thank him for keeping up on his chores. 

I did however praise him for his performance on his state assessments.  He really put in an extra effort to prepare for the testing.  He spent time nearly every night doing extra practice work to brush up on skills he hadn't done since the beginning of the year and the ones he had a harder time with.  As a result he scored very well.  I think that deserved praise!  But again I didn't exaggerate it, I was clear at what I was proud about.  I told him, "All of your hard work paid off!  You did a great job!  Way to go!"  I didn't say anything like, "You're so smart"  "You're such a great test taker"  "You breezed through that test!"  Now let me explain why I did it the way I did.

Like I said, I pointed out the obvious.  My son worked very hard by studying for this test.  I wanted that to be the focus of my praise.  I wanted to be sure he understood that he did well on the test because of the effort he put into.  If I were to say things like "you're so smart"  "You made it look easy", etc...in my opinion, I think he might not work as hard the next time.  Maybe he will think that since he did so well, he doesn't have to put in as much effort next time.  Now don't get me wrong, I think my son is very smart.  But I do not ever want him to drop his habits of studying and preparing for things like this.  I want him to realize that he does this well due to working at it.

I also try to make sure that I add as much positive as possible to my daily life.  This particular blog is more focused towards my youngest, as an example only.  I do this with all of the kids.  So often it seems that being the youngest he is the first to get the brush off, the "hang a minute", "not right now" and the "I will think about it".  All of those comments come out of my mouth on a routine basis.  I am trying very hard to combat that and be sure to be more positive and attentive.  When I am running around like a chicken with my head cut off, and my son comes to me and needs my attention I need to be more aware of this and make it happen.  It's a bad habit and unfortunately all too easy to do.  He won't often complain, but that doesn't make it right.

On my commute home from work, it is my and my husband's time to talk with minimal interruption.  We share our stories from the day and catch up on things we need to discuss.  Why should I downplay anything my child has to say?  Who says his stories are not as important as mine?  Who says he doesn't need to be heard?  As I type this, I have a HUGE pang in my gut.  I feel horrible because I have been so guilty of this so many times.  All he needs is a few minutes and who am I to say he doesn't deserve it!  He most certainly does and I vow to make a huge effort to not lack on that again.  

His stories may be long and drawn out and there may be a lot of "and"'s and "ummmms" in his words, but that is OK with me.  He has a voice, he has a story and he should be heard.  He also has feelings, even though at this age I don't think he can properly express them.  I have more than likely crushed his feelings without any intent of doing so.  It doesn't excuse it, it just makes me want to change my ways.  I am not saying that you should drop everything you are doing every time you child has something to say, but what I am saying is make sure you are making time for them to be heard.

What if one day your child decided to not tell you things?  What is they decided it was not worth the time to try and share the stories of their day with you?  What if they gave up on trying to speak to you and you missed the important stuff?  What if you made the time?  What if your child came to you about all or most of the important stuff?  What if your child felt so comfortable talking to you they shared their life?

We can what if all we want, but why do we need to?  Here it is people, laid out for you.  You have to make time to listen, you have to praise without over praising.  We have to point out the rewards of their efforts.  We have to teach our children how to be good listeners and in the long wrong they will teach their kids.  We can start a revolution of open kids who feel comfortable talking.  They will feel heard, important and it will reflect in everything they do.  So, for all of you who think you really listen to your kids, for those who think they honestly take the extra time and praise where praise is deserved...think about it.  Make sure you are giving them the right to be heard, the pat on the back and great start to life that they will pass on. 

OMG STFU

First let me just say, I love ALL of my kids...even the ones that act like assholes.  Yep, you read that right!  

You were thinking it, I just said it.  Hell I was thinking it too!  It's true, especially the older ones.  Oh the joys of parenthood!  It is such an extreme, ranging from being so proud one moment to wanting to gnaw your own arm off to get away to next.  Don't get me wrong, I love my kids more than life itself, but some days are really a true test of strength, sanity and your ability to cope with pure ciaos. 

The good thing is that right now, only 2 of the 4 kids are pains.  I have questioned and judged my own parenting abilities after dealing with them, and I have come to this conclusion...they are just being assholes.  Cruel you say?  How could a parent say that about their own child you say?  Well, live with them, deal with their antics and then you tell me.  Trust me, calling them assholes is actually a nicer alternative.  

Its really not as bad as it sounds.  An asshole is simply someone who disrupts the generally tranquil nature of a certain situation or place.  They can also be a rude, selfish and/or offensive person.  So see, I have just described the majority of the world.  We can all be assholes from time to time, but 2 of these kids are pushing their limits!  Much like a lot of kids do.  But what is a parent who has tried everything to do?  You buckle up and hold on...it's gonna be a bumpy ride.

For the most part they are not doing anything that the majority of others kids don't do or things we haven't done ourselves at those ages.  It is just amplified and extreme at times. At some point you just hope there is a cut off point where it all stops.  You pray for it, you live for it!  You want to protect them from doing wrong, you want them to grow up happy healthy and hopefully fully intact...you can only do so much.

I pray that all of my kids grow up to be spectacular adults who strive to improve their very existence at every given moment.  But hell, let's get realistic.  I want them to finish college, get a job that pays better than average and remember to call their mother once in a while!  I want them happy, healthy and full of the knowledge that no matter how much of an asshole they were in their teen/young adult years that they are still loved and cared for, barely, but they are.  Is that too much to ask for?

So, before you plan your revenge and before you sever all ties to them, just remember...being an asshole is NOT always a permanent thing.  They are capable of  change, not all of them, but most.  There will be a few of you that are unlucky, God bless you, you are in my prayers.  For those who have the ones that turn around and become productive and semi proper members of society, count your blessings.  And secretly hope that their kids give them a dose of what you dealt with!  

I am holding out for the turn around and hoping the other two never start...until next time, peace, love and sanity.

He's Got Jokes!

Well, some how I managed to delete my post from Friday night...so let me try this again!  


We have scheduled plans that we follow out just about every week.  Thursdays are date night, no kids, just the parents.  And kids are only allowed to call for emergencies, (and they always call at least once, lol...and it is NOT an emergency).  Our night consists of going to dinner, preferably somewhere where you do not order your food through a microphone.  And a place where you are served and do not bus your own table.  After that, being the rebels that we are we head off to the library!  We might even stay there a couple of hours, its quiet there!  We might log on to the computers or go over bills or discuss upcoming things, but it is our time! :)  Sometimes there is even a trip to Walmart or Target!  Hell yeah!


Next is Friday night dinner out with the family.  They think of it as a special treat, but actually it is just a night to not cook and clean, lol.  This Friday night was no exception.  Only two of the kids were home to go with us tonight, brats 2 and 4.  We went to our favorite Mexican restaurant.  It is nice to go to a place, be recognized by the management, greeted and socialized with.  And to top it off, he always brings brat 2 a huge bowl of salsa.  This is first and foremost GREAT customer service and second, it saves his staff the hassle of running to our table to refill brat 2's small dipping bowl every 5 seconds.  He literally inhales it!  He is a tall slender kid, but don't let that fool you!  He CAN eat you out of house and home!  He just applied for a job at this restaurant, lol.  


After dinner we are in car heading home, and brat 2 is sharing a story for his day and almost lets out a cuss word, lol.  Now mind you, he is nearly 18 and we as his parents do not have the cleanest vocabulary ourselves.  But he, like the rest of the kids have that respect and courtesy  towards us.  So, we make a joke about it and are having a little laugh when brat 4 pipes up and says, "I can't wait until I am old enough to cuss.  I have some great jokes to tell you!" WTF????  Hold it kid, what did you just say?  I kept my head forward, bit my tongue to not laugh and reminded him that he didn't need to worry about cussing, lol.  I know, I know, I should not be laughing about this, but I swear you had to be there!  Oh, the comic relief brat 4 brings to our lives...PRICELESS!